Monday, April 10, 2006
Does anyone know a sure-fire way to beat a traffic ticket?
So this morning my alarm went off at 5:45 so I could drag my ass fifty miles to the very edge of the suburban housing bubble and have my day in court. Nope, I was not defending myself from the charges of Sedition and Blasphamy, just a dipshit allegation of having rolled through a stop sign.
Perhaps I did roll through some worthless stop sign in some shitty little development of McMansions in the 'burbs. Perhaps I did not.
From careful observation of a traffic court in suburbia, however, I can't help but be overcome with the notion that I am simply having $132.00 extorted from me. I watched a dozen folks shuffle up before that judge and plead 'guilty but with an explanation', Judge Smiley ordered them to proceed, and almost without exception they were assured that the charges would not go on their permenent record (oh, yeah. . .) but they would still have to shell out the franklin and change.
I saw several good 'ole boys offer as an explaination the particular circumstances of an ice storm along with empty roads, and the decision to roll through a stoplight as opposed to locking the wheels and risking a loss of control. As the one young man said, 'I thought I made the right call,' and he fucking did. As a native Minnesotan I can tell you, it is always better to be in control of your truck than out of control. A stoplight is just a red light, if there is no cross traffic than it should not compel you to risk a loss of control.
What I should have done is talk to a prosecutor. They were both attractive women. I could have locked them into my wolf blue eyes, rumbled their world with my voice, and told my tale with eloquence and some seductive confidence. Ehn, it would have been a crap shoot, but it wouldn't have cost me anything to try it.
Instead I plead 'Not Guilty.' Seemed to me that once you said 'Guilty' you were fucked, they were going to get your 132 no matter what. That was it, as soon as I said that, he scoffed about how I could 'try my luck' and they had me out of that courtroom before I knew it. I was an abberation, an bad example, who didn't just surrender all rights and shell out the money.
I've written a few times lately about the power of social situations and the effect they can have on the human body. A court be a solid example. Even with a solid understanding of how the novelty of the situation and the focus of about a hundred people on the back of my head were stimulating me; my best belly breathing and centering techniques could not prevent my heart from pounding and my Arm & Hammer Ultra Max Active Sport deodorant from failing. I'm glad that was just a trial run, I could not have performed perfectly in such a situation.
So no I've got a month before my 'trial' before another judge. What's the fucking point? That's a question that's been trailing me for several days. I missed a day of work and burned over a quarter tank of gas to show up today, so paying the $132 would have been the smart move as 'opportunity costs' go. I just can't fucking do it. I know that cop was just filling a quota, and he pulled over a guy who didn't look like he owned one of those houses in that neighborhood to do it. Multiple circumstances involved in my traffic stop had me convinced I was going to simply get a warning right up until that donut wrangler mumbled something, handed me a ticket and shuffled off. He knew he was fucking me. He knew it, I knew it, and now the American People know it. That judge probably knows it too, but why the fuck should he care? I know I've got a personal code of honor, but I don't see too many other males with one these days. The case will come down to my word vs. the officers, why would he not choose the side that will gain him another coin in the county's coffers?
In Minnesota the cities and the counties have been getting fucked by the 'belt-tightening' that our dumbass governor is imposing to try to look like he's a Presidential Contender. They lean on their cops to generate a bit more revenue, and this one guy decides to stick it to me - maybe cuz he's envious of my sideburns - and help out his monthly numbers a bit. So I get stuck, and there's nothing I can do about it. There is no reason why a judge will favor me over an officer of the law, so I get bilked?!?
I might be wrong here, but I always thought that the reason for traffic laws was to create a safer driving environment, to try to minimize the deaths, injuries, and property damages that occur when clever simians propel themselves and a ton and a half of steel at hundreds of feet per second thanks to the magical energy within the hydrocarbon oil. Murder is not wrong because you broke a law written somewhere about murder, it's wrong because you have deprived another of their fucking life. You have wronged another person in the most heinous way. Our liberal democracy is based on protecting peoples Rights, not slavishly obeying laws. We have laws to protect rights, not just for the sake of having laws. Traffic rules, the weakest of the misdemeanors, are not on the books because Americans are supposed to be worthless sheep who sit at a red light in the middle of the night for five minutes in desolate isolation because we live to obey. Stop lights are damn useful during rush hour, so that we can attempt to preclude damage to some other American's life and property. When there is obviously no risk to either, the spirit of America is only degraded when one sits there impotently for nor reason.
grr.
Perhaps I did roll through some worthless stop sign in some shitty little development of McMansions in the 'burbs. Perhaps I did not.
From careful observation of a traffic court in suburbia, however, I can't help but be overcome with the notion that I am simply having $132.00 extorted from me. I watched a dozen folks shuffle up before that judge and plead 'guilty but with an explanation', Judge Smiley ordered them to proceed, and almost without exception they were assured that the charges would not go on their permenent record (oh, yeah. . .) but they would still have to shell out the franklin and change.
I saw several good 'ole boys offer as an explaination the particular circumstances of an ice storm along with empty roads, and the decision to roll through a stoplight as opposed to locking the wheels and risking a loss of control. As the one young man said, 'I thought I made the right call,' and he fucking did. As a native Minnesotan I can tell you, it is always better to be in control of your truck than out of control. A stoplight is just a red light, if there is no cross traffic than it should not compel you to risk a loss of control.
What I should have done is talk to a prosecutor. They were both attractive women. I could have locked them into my wolf blue eyes, rumbled their world with my voice, and told my tale with eloquence and some seductive confidence. Ehn, it would have been a crap shoot, but it wouldn't have cost me anything to try it.
Instead I plead 'Not Guilty.' Seemed to me that once you said 'Guilty' you were fucked, they were going to get your 132 no matter what. That was it, as soon as I said that, he scoffed about how I could 'try my luck' and they had me out of that courtroom before I knew it. I was an abberation, an bad example, who didn't just surrender all rights and shell out the money.
I've written a few times lately about the power of social situations and the effect they can have on the human body. A court be a solid example. Even with a solid understanding of how the novelty of the situation and the focus of about a hundred people on the back of my head were stimulating me; my best belly breathing and centering techniques could not prevent my heart from pounding and my Arm & Hammer Ultra Max Active Sport deodorant from failing. I'm glad that was just a trial run, I could not have performed perfectly in such a situation.
So no I've got a month before my 'trial' before another judge. What's the fucking point? That's a question that's been trailing me for several days. I missed a day of work and burned over a quarter tank of gas to show up today, so paying the $132 would have been the smart move as 'opportunity costs' go. I just can't fucking do it. I know that cop was just filling a quota, and he pulled over a guy who didn't look like he owned one of those houses in that neighborhood to do it. Multiple circumstances involved in my traffic stop had me convinced I was going to simply get a warning right up until that donut wrangler mumbled something, handed me a ticket and shuffled off. He knew he was fucking me. He knew it, I knew it, and now the American People know it. That judge probably knows it too, but why the fuck should he care? I know I've got a personal code of honor, but I don't see too many other males with one these days. The case will come down to my word vs. the officers, why would he not choose the side that will gain him another coin in the county's coffers?
In Minnesota the cities and the counties have been getting fucked by the 'belt-tightening' that our dumbass governor is imposing to try to look like he's a Presidential Contender. They lean on their cops to generate a bit more revenue, and this one guy decides to stick it to me - maybe cuz he's envious of my sideburns - and help out his monthly numbers a bit. So I get stuck, and there's nothing I can do about it. There is no reason why a judge will favor me over an officer of the law, so I get bilked?!?
I might be wrong here, but I always thought that the reason for traffic laws was to create a safer driving environment, to try to minimize the deaths, injuries, and property damages that occur when clever simians propel themselves and a ton and a half of steel at hundreds of feet per second thanks to the magical energy within the hydrocarbon oil. Murder is not wrong because you broke a law written somewhere about murder, it's wrong because you have deprived another of their fucking life. You have wronged another person in the most heinous way. Our liberal democracy is based on protecting peoples Rights, not slavishly obeying laws. We have laws to protect rights, not just for the sake of having laws. Traffic rules, the weakest of the misdemeanors, are not on the books because Americans are supposed to be worthless sheep who sit at a red light in the middle of the night for five minutes in desolate isolation because we live to obey. Stop lights are damn useful during rush hour, so that we can attempt to preclude damage to some other American's life and property. When there is obviously no risk to either, the spirit of America is only degraded when one sits there impotently for nor reason.
grr.
Comments:
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Don't give in!!! Fight the good fight!!
If you are lucky, maybe the cop won't show up that day in court.
If you are lucky, maybe the cop won't show up that day in court.
You know, it seems more and more like tickets are more a form of revenue for some communities than a method of keeping people safe. I got one about a year ago, my first in 15 years, and I knew I had done nothing wrong. In the end, they just wanted me to pay a fine, and as long as I was willing to pay the fine, they had no interest in the ticket or the points. In the end, even though it was some money which I didn't deserve to pay, it was less expensive than watching my insurance premiums go through the roof because I went from a driver with a perfect record to a driver with a ticket. BTW, I blogrolled you, great blog!
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# posted by 
: Tuesday, March 06, 2007 3:37:00 PM
: Tuesday, March 06, 2007 3:37:00 PM
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# posted by : Monday, April 23, 2007 2:50:00 PM
: Monday, April 23, 2007 2:50:00 PM<< Home
