Saturday, May 06, 2006
Introducing the Vulgarometer
It has come to my attention, that a small segment of adult society finds particular combinations of syllabes to be offensive, dispite the fact that another combination of nouns and consonants that means the exact same thing is okey-dokey. This same group also feels that exposing children to this type of language is about on par with child abuse, the damage done to their sensitive little minds may never be completely healed.
While I personally could not disagree with a statement more, I'm curious if my occassional expeditions into the blue jungle might be the cause of my plummeting Varb rating. Den mothers and over-protective youth ministers read my blog, and decide to vote me down simply because they see this use of language as offensive or dangerous. Now, with the introduction of the Vulgarometer, this problem will be completely ameliorated!
Ladies and gentlemen, we here at Atheist Seeker care about children! When this potential for negligence came to our attention, the staff here leapt into action to find a technological solution to this dire situation. Just as you will never have to worry about Global Warming or declining energy supplies, because our President and his friends are working tirelessly to find new technology that will allow us to transition seemlessly into a new economy; concerns over the language here at Atheist Seeker need never haunt you again! We examined the faultless models found within the 'V-chip' and the 'Terror Alert' graphics, we took the content here at Atheist Seeker and examined it in a multitude of ways, we pushed our abilities with GIMP2 to the very limit. . .
Thus the Vulgarometer was born! Here's how it works:
Each of our postings here at Atheist Seeker, will now have a clearly indicated Vulgarometer Rating displayed at the beginning of the post! Thus if you are uncomfortable with that level of vulgarity, you can skip downwards to a milder flavor of atheist seeking. No longer will you have to worry about being drawn into Aurelius seductive prose only to find yourself betrayed and offended by a dick joke! Now you are in control of what you choose to read! Your obedient children can be instructed to look away from potentially harmful vulgarity!
The Vulgarometer has four settings.
The sort of prose that could be read aloud on Public Radio without driving the
speaker into bankruptcy as the FCC does its part to take on the National Debt.
This level indicates a familiarity with the vernacular on par with the average locker- room or huddle of smokers. Casual references to sex with unmarried partners may be found within, as well as multiple synonyms for body parts and every word that you can’t say on the radio. The occassional F-word will be used for emphasis, in a similar manner to the blogging tradition of typing in all caps.
At the third level, the use of vulgarity has moved from a means of emphasis into the rhythmic drumbeat of a rant. Not only will the F-word be used in every applicable mode (noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, . . .) but multi-syllabic words may find it used to insert an extra two counts. Part of the purpose of this prose is to afflict the comfortable, if this frequency of swear words offends you - that was probably part of the point.
They say the devil looks after his own, so perhaps Old Nick himself whispered these clever combinations of metaphor into the author's ear. This level of vulgarity shatters the glass ceiling of respectability and aspires to the high art of EZ-E, the bard of Compton. How Jesus might swear if he caught His balls in a car door.
Now that we have the Vulgarometer here at Atheist Seeker, we can all sleep a little sounder knowing that the children are safe.
While I personally could not disagree with a statement more, I'm curious if my occassional expeditions into the blue jungle might be the cause of my plummeting Varb rating. Den mothers and over-protective youth ministers read my blog, and decide to vote me down simply because they see this use of language as offensive or dangerous. Now, with the introduction of the Vulgarometer, this problem will be completely ameliorated!
Ladies and gentlemen, we here at Atheist Seeker care about children! When this potential for negligence came to our attention, the staff here leapt into action to find a technological solution to this dire situation. Just as you will never have to worry about Global Warming or declining energy supplies, because our President and his friends are working tirelessly to find new technology that will allow us to transition seemlessly into a new economy; concerns over the language here at Atheist Seeker need never haunt you again! We examined the faultless models found within the 'V-chip' and the 'Terror Alert' graphics, we took the content here at Atheist Seeker and examined it in a multitude of ways, we pushed our abilities with GIMP2 to the very limit. . .
Thus the Vulgarometer was born! Here's how it works:
Each of our postings here at Atheist Seeker, will now have a clearly indicated Vulgarometer Rating displayed at the beginning of the post! Thus if you are uncomfortable with that level of vulgarity, you can skip downwards to a milder flavor of atheist seeking. No longer will you have to worry about being drawn into Aurelius seductive prose only to find yourself betrayed and offended by a dick joke! Now you are in control of what you choose to read! Your obedient children can be instructed to look away from potentially harmful vulgarity!
The Vulgarometer has four settings.
The sort of prose that could be read aloud on Public Radio without driving the
speaker into bankruptcy as the FCC does its part to take on the National Debt.
This level indicates a familiarity with the vernacular on par with the average locker- room or huddle of smokers. Casual references to sex with unmarried partners may be found within, as well as multiple synonyms for body parts and every word that you can’t say on the radio. The occassional F-word will be used for emphasis, in a similar manner to the blogging tradition of typing in all caps.
At the third level, the use of vulgarity has moved from a means of emphasis into the rhythmic drumbeat of a rant. Not only will the F-word be used in every applicable mode (noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, . . .) but multi-syllabic words may find it used to insert an extra two counts. Part of the purpose of this prose is to afflict the comfortable, if this frequency of swear words offends you - that was probably part of the point.
They say the devil looks after his own, so perhaps Old Nick himself whispered these clever combinations of metaphor into the author's ear. This level of vulgarity shatters the glass ceiling of respectability and aspires to the high art of EZ-E, the bard of Compton. How Jesus might swear if he caught His balls in a car door.
Now that we have the Vulgarometer here at Atheist Seeker, we can all sleep a little sounder knowing that the children are safe.
Comments:
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This invention of yours is even better than that proverbial sliced bread. Just when I started to think that a sort of apex in the human advancement would have been reached, you brilliantly nudged it ahead again. Aurelius, you are greater than Sibelius.
# posted by 
: Saturday, May 06, 2006 9:19:00 PM
: Saturday, May 06, 2006 9:19:00 PM
Great post! I wouldn't be surprised if the lobomotized blogging co. that shall remain nameless implements this sort of a rating system for blogs, so as not to offend any delicate sensibilities.
Also, what's a varb?
Also, what's a varb?
if people dont like cussing on my blog (which i do a lot of) I tell them to "kiss my motherfucking redneck fat ass"....they usually get the idea...
Thanks for the feedback you'all! I'm just glad to know that the children are finally safe.
Oh, BTW, that comment was deleted by the author of the comment, not by me. I'm curious what it was too. I've only deleted two comments in my blogger carrer. One had bab's email address in it, the other was obviously spam.
Got to look up who Sibelius was, I'm hoping that's a good comparison.
Oh, BTW, that comment was deleted by the author of the comment, not by me. I'm curious what it was too. I've only deleted two comments in my blogger carrer. One had bab's email address in it, the other was obviously spam.
Got to look up who Sibelius was, I'm hoping that's a good comparison.
I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! » » »
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# posted by : Friday, February 16, 2007 3:09:00 AM
: Friday, February 16, 2007 3:09:00 AM<< Home
