Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Commentary on Social Interaction
Today, circumstances conspired to compel us into our local supermarket in the pre-turkeyday havoc. Bless the fates that we didn't need anything but a few fresh loaves from our recently upgraded Rainbow's surprisingly skilled bakery. Normally, I'm all about avoiding the big chains and supporting local business, but somebody running this bakery be making it a labor of fucking love. They make these twisted rye loaves that are edible works of art, this ain't the domain of a handful of minimum wage clock-watchers.
Given: a shopping market on the day before thanksgiving is going to be a damn madhouse. Lot was full, SUVs and minivans formed a line of illegal parking across the buildings entrance. Carts were in short supply.
- - - My blogging train just got derailed by a trio of mormons at the door, I tried to save their soul but we'll see. Even gave them the old url, so maybe they'll read me blog - even some negative comments would be better than none at all. I wish I could get through to kids like that, cuz there is a huge beautiful and terrible world out there - don't miss trying to engage it with your mind. I'll have to upload that experience later. - - -
Back to my commentary on social interaction.
Standing at the bakery glass, Cindy picked out a sexy shape of whole grain, and we tastefully flagged down a woman to come down and assist us in packaging it. Soon a woman and children were pressing our right flank, a heavyset, middleaged man squeezed into the space directly to my left. He didn't make any attempt at eyecontact, just continued to stare at the bread selection. My brain was already firing on the impulse to say, 'hey, fucko, can't you see you are in my personal space?' His daughter pre-empted me; 'oh look out' and then the cart that dwarfed her cute little frame caught dad in the ass. His reaction helped me learn.
Now I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that 'dad' is a good man who would never hurt any child, let alone his own. Yet an unexpected knock to his backside surprised him and his knee-jerk reaction was held in check with visible effort. I realized that his close proximity to my large, almost youthful frame was generating the same tensions within himself. Here we are, two good folks in a loud supermarket, and we're on the verge of fight or flight.
I'm growing into the understanding that men have territorial instincts, we spent a few hundred thousand years as social creatures who lived and died in groups of no more than a few dozen. Even into the middle ages, this forced proximity with other males of alien origin would have been totally unacceptable. Why should I trust someone I don't know? Why should I let someone I don't trust within striking range of my vulnerable parts?
The modern philosophies and our passive culture teach me that I should give that guy the benefit of the doubt, I should just trust that we're both buying bread and lay off. My adrenal gland don't seem to be buying it, however, and so tension levels rise quickly and impulsive confrontation ensues. The pattern repeats itself like a fucking fractal over and over again, in convoluted ways.
The parkinglot, another example of folks responding to real or imagined slights to their manhood (while protected by two tons of mobile steel) with impulsive reactions. Racing through pedestrian crossings or gesturing vulgarly as someone does not vacate a parking space with enough with submissive alacrity.
West Saint Paul, where I live, is even more complex, cuz here we have the intersection of at least four cultures. Whites have lived here like a suburb for a long time. Blacks, Latinos, and Asians all have specialty stores and growing populations. The tension caused by 'standing on your toes' interaction is exponentially increased when racial boundaries are crossed. I might snap at a white guy, but I'd probably let it slide from a black - cuz I don't want to look like a racist.
Maybe our community is on the track to become like a New York: fuck you, get out of my fucking face, I don't give a fuck who you are. I'd like to hold on to the notion of 'Minnesota Nice' that gets so ridiculed, but that would take effort.
If we had a mass media that presented messages other than how focused people are on associating themselves with particular brand names, maybe some of these situations could be addressed in a neutral environment away from where a man's blood gets up. Examples of disrespectful behavior - like blazing into a pedestrian crosswalk at forty or pushing past women and elderly to get on a bus first - could be addressed and templates for dealing with those types could be presented. Folks who didn't have a cultured father to teach them to respect little old ladies could still learn it from the T.V.
I've never wavered in my belief that if I had control of all domestic media (not just me, anybody with an IQ over 100 and a keen intrest in society) ; all racism could be eliminated in less than a decade. That's the frightening power of a minister of propaganda.
Grr.
