Atheist Meditations

Ever been in a situation where a hot chick totally wants to 'rastle with your tube-snake, but you realize you just don't have it in ya to cheat on your woman? Evidently some dudes can do it, but you have to accept you just ain't one. . .

With a flash of understanding that approaches the Kwisatz Haderach (sorry, been reading Brian Herbert & Kevin J. Anderson's 'House Atreides') I envisioned an act that would certainly earn one a place amongst those currently roasting alive in their fifteen minutes of mass media fame.

Here's the Idea, one that involves two of my major loves in this world: radical acts of artistic expression and the methodical torture of cats.

Anybody could do it. Just need a cat, a faucet and a digital camera (better yet a video camera); film and post the first ever web-documented water-boarding of a feline. Simply following the same credo of the water-board that we utilize as a nation, 'not to drown the suspect, only to make them believe they are drowning.' It wouldn't take but a few minutes and a pair of welding gloves to reduce a kitten to her most primal survival instincts.

I couldn't do it myself - at least not without disrupting a fairly stable personal relationship - but I can place an adorable kitten in a situation where even one with severe deficiencies in the are of imagination can still grasp the gist of what I'm talking about:









Then all the PETA members flame the shit out of your blog for being so cruel to animals, so you respond, 'So a housecat has more more rights in this country than a Prisoner of War?' Cuz you think a water-boarding looks nasty when inflicted upon a cute little kitty cat, imagine when it's done to a human being.

Bucket after bucket after bucket after fucking bucket of cold water poured into your gasping mouth until you are completely convinced that you are drowning. A rude gesture and six little syllables from Mr. Bush are all that separate any of us from that fate. Our security services have already done it to hundreds of people - some innocent, some not - not that such a little fact as that makes any difference . . .


Once he intones, 'enemy combatant,' you have far fewer rights than little Ellie here.

Welcome to fucking Amerika. If someone with media access mentions your name and 'terrorist' in the same sentence, youz be dehumanized far beneath a house pet. Unpacked, this blog has a lot to say.

I call upon everyone in the blogosphere! Waterboard your pets, waterboard your children, waterboard you drinking buddies! Lets show the world what it looks like! Lets revel in the sense of power over the helpless that so far we have only enjoyed vicariously through Keifer and 24. Ride the predictable wave of outrage and indignation that angry, wet kittens invoke. Experience the future.

Note: no cats were harmed in the making of this blog entry. Actually, I needed several band-aids, but the cats were O.K.